SUMMER REPORT CARD - GH EDITION

I will be out today --finally good weather to go to my brother's house, so enjoy: 

 

When I was a kid, we would clutch our report cards and take them to Roseland Park where they'd give us free tickets for every "A" that we earned. Not sure what happens today but let's pretend that GH had to attend summer school and is getting graded. Yes, the summer isn't over but after that dive we can take a fun moment.

PS from Dave: I grew up in NJ. We had an ice cream store called Carvel (Was it national? Did anyone else?) and we would bring our report cards there and for every "A" we earned, they would stamp our report card and give us a coupon for a one-scoop ice cream cone. 

EVENTS | STANDINGS 

Top stories on GH are graded on the following: Creativity, Execution, and Day to Day dialog 

PIKEMAN | GRADE D

You are receiving this grade because of the sheer length of time it took to complete your assignment. Not only that, it's changed so much since the beginning there is no way to timeline it without giving your professors a migraine. We will give you an extra 1/2 point for introducing the character of Brennan to our screen but again, you messed around with motives so... not that impressive. 

SURROGACY | GRADE C (see below) 

While it is an interesting concept, this story has been done so many times before you could basically copy and paste most of it, especially since we've moved past the using the bio egg from the same surrogate. TJ and Molly were not featured enough to get an in-depth character study so your newly found TJ rage seems over the top. Given what happened after the fall, the C went to an F (see below) 

BTW, Dave gets a C- for using an old picture of Molly--but who can blame him when we've had so many! 

MAC DADDY | GRADE B+

You are lucky nostalgia played into this assignment! We were so worried about John J York that having him back just masked anything regarding the true story behind this. While Cody has grown on me, you may have gotten an A if boring Sasha wasn't around him. We are waiting to give a final grade on this whole thing because again, you got it going and now it's been on a shelf. 

CUSTODY | GRADE C-

Again, you're lucky in one way with this story and it's in the form of Maura West. She elevates everything to at LEAST average because of her stellar delivery. Even if Dialog is at an F, she'll pop it up to a B. My fellow professors and I were stunned that you went in this direction again after submitting it so many other times. Repeating yourself doesn't work well in literature unless you're a poet. You were also docked points because Ava is messing with Sonny's meds which is also another repeat of a story with his son. 

INTRO TO GIO | GRADE D

The kid did a great job at the wedding. He seemed like a passable actor and had a bit of promise. Then you just had to grind on and on about the violin and how wonderful he is. Is there ANY edge to him? Please refer to your 'character development' course work when you were a freshman. 

PRIDE MONTH | GRADE FAIL

You got your points for actually having a gay couple on the show after ditching your last few. While Blaze and Kristina didn't really 'work' for me chemistry wise, they did have a decent vibe going. Blaze had some intrigue with her music career and introduction of her mama, Natalia. We are not sure what happened but the department got together and wants to censure you for SO MANY blatant missteps in this story we need to call a meeting. 

THE FALL | GRADE A --REDACTED 

Well, you pulled one out of the hat!! For those of us that are spoiler free, it was a jaw-dropping moment.  We won't talk about the fact that the hotel WINDOW breaking was a stretch because for a soap, it can be overlooked. Ava's face, the cheesy crowd reactions and a Baywatch Style rescue? You outdid yourselves. This also gives a little layer of something extra for the surrogacy story which, up until now was pretty stale.  

UPDATE: You are all getting a failing GRADE FOR THE WHOLE SUMMER!! What was that story leading to? The destruction of Ava? Sonny Trauma?? You had YEARS ahead of you with that baby story. You kill it off for what? THEN you put in the Jex sex scene and Blaze and her mother in the middle of it all? 
You also left out all of the hospital characters: Portia, Terry (who's an OBGYN), Liz, Stella. Not even Amy or Deanna were there! 

YOU NEED TO TAKE YOUR COURSE WORK OVER AGAIN! 

SCOREBOARD  

You get nothing!