Monday, April 25, 2011

My Idea for General Hospital: With a Grain of Marinara Sauce

Ok, so...I'm going to resign myself to the fact that Guza is going to be writing GH until it's off the air. I'm also going to assume we will NOT be getting anything BUT the mob at the front.  Ergo, with that in mind, I am going to just offer it up. Let's write GH Mobular in MY style. Just do it.  Bloodier, the better. Here's to the last year of GH. 



First of all, quit the stupid sheeze with the PCPD..just get Ronnie right on the Zaccarah payrol. He's just a dirty cop. He'll end up trying to kill Dante. Sonny comes in, and shoots him in the head, right in full HBO glory. They wrap them in a plastic  bag and store him in Kelly's freezer, which all along has been the "secret hub" for mob activity. 

Next to be killed, Mac. Mac is actually the Aussie connection for Sonny's operation and has been smuggling guns for years. (this harkens back to his history on the show). He wakes up with a dead hooker (Abby)  and commits suicide because of the implications. 
Robin finds out about him and devistated, and she and Patrick move to Buffalo to work at The Children's Hospital. Lisa gets run over by their bus as she tries to stop it as it leaves.  We see her body dragged all the way down the Main Street of PC. 


Jax gets really pissed at Sonny, enough to blow up his house with Max,  Diane  and Milo in it. This enrages Sonny who has Jason Shoot down Jax's helicopter, which crashes right into the Hospital. Monica's killed because it happened, ironically on her one day at the set. The hospital burns to the ground. We get a nice back shot of Bobbie and Audrey hugging in the ruins. 

Siobhan is really working for some fringe IRA group, straps on a bomb and blows herself, Liz, Lucky and all the kids up. I think I'll have it happen on the docks, sick of that set anyway. Oh, and while we are at it, Nik is coming over on the ferry and tries in vain to save his brother. He decides to drown himself in the harbor.

Edward Q has a heart attack and dies,  Tracy sells the Q mansion because Monica left it to her and leaves town. Maya's in the closet but no one notices.  Ethan wanders around and then is finally cast in Dillon Q's new Pirate movie. He moves to Hollywood.

Because nothing can happen to Sonny or Jason or Luke, the three of them move in together and start a more concentrated "import/export" business with Castro, newly stepped down from  Cuba. I'm sure he'd love to guest on the soap.  The show can revolve around these 4 characters while they endlessly fight Anthony Z and Johnny for "turf"..Dante joins his father and grandfather. He is initiated by having to kill off Carly in a sword fight. Carly actually does well before dying, Dante's arm is cut off in the battle. He gets a robot one like Luke Skywalker. Michael accepts the fact his mother had to die for the 'cause'.  



The Davis girls get their own reality show on VH1 and we don't see them unless they are on to hawk a product like, SlimQuick or Gator Aid.

Oh, and who's the Commodore? That's Mike...he's been running it all  out of Kelly's all these years and isn't in "rehab"--he's giving arms to Libyan rebels. 
Sam and Brenda continue to be the Mobular Wives, but are only shown when they are barefoot and tending children out in the woods hide out. Or the island, whichever season it is.


There, enough for ya? Enough for Guza?? I'd throw in some woman-beatings but you know they'll  come in time. 


Fade to Black: Journey plays.



17 comments:

Hope said...

I like it, but can we throw in some shirtless Jason and
PLEASE, PLEASE, kill off Dante or something so he is
NOT IN EVERY FREAKING SCENE?
I give it a Deans List A+

DJ Rogue said...

You do realize that everything you've typed is within the realm of possibility for Guza and his scriptmonkey's creativity.

Ya know, I really wish I could go back in time and BEG David Chase to hire Guza to work on the Sopranos so he can get this shit out of his system (or be replaced while working on the Sopranos)...

Perezla said...

I'm dying of laughter as I read this, because I can see that some of this can be used as GH annual disaster. Love it...

Anonymous said...

The only thing I want to see is grief sex between Liz/Jason with her ending up preggers, while Sam still isnt pregnant. I want to see the story played out this time. Jason/Liz need to understand what keeps bringing them together - even if they dont end up together - though I wish they would - let's see how he handles the fatherhood thing this time - how it affects him & Sam and also Carly. After the grief sex happens,my ultimate wish would be if he decides to leave the mob and be a family man w/Liz and take over the Q business after seeing Michael get shot again because of Sonny's dealings. Sam can get back with Jax or Sonny and cause a triangle with Carly.
Ahhhh...... to dream!

Anonymous said...

You forgot Lulu & Maxi so i will add that i want Lulu to dump Dante & her & Johnny get married.Lulu can quit Crimson and take over The Haunted star and Maxi can blackmail Kate into giving her Crimson.Then Maxi can realize the real reason none of her relationships with men do not work out because she is really a lesbian and is really attracted to Lulu so she decides to break up Johnny & Lulu because she wants Lulu for herself!

Anonymous said...

Just want to know what happens on the show when it is preempted by a "severe wheather" bulletin. Not just a few minutes but the entire hour... The most climatic event: the intervention of Luke for his addiction to alcohol.. Will it be rebroadcast in it's entireity at an "early morning" time slot or what? It's tornado time in TEXAS..
Avid "rabid" fan in Irving, TX

Carla Gade said...

Love it! And while you're at it...make Jason REALLY Michael's father after all!

Anonymous said...

sonny and jason have to end like butch cassidy and the sundance kid. GH cannot have a happy ending.

Lori said...

My darling Karen... lay off the jelly beans... they're like crack lmao

skeebob said...

There needs to be a couple more click/booms worked in there, because that trope just gets better and better every year he does it.

I don't think we'll see Bobbie or Audrey again, even in a burning GH. But, playing along, if we do see Bobbie and Monica die, then they should go all out and let us see Bobbie reunite with Tony, and Monica with Alan, in Heaven.

Also, I know why you said Journey, but c'mon, if Sopranos had Journey, then you know GH only deserves Loverboy or Night Ranger.

Anonymous said...

Karen, your scenarios call for something to actually happen besides the same damn conversations over and over and over again. I'd tune in to your GH. Guza's GH leaves me terminally bored.

Anonymous said...

Michael needs to go to the Q's for help in exchange for his joining the family business, ELQ. That would blister some butts, wouldn't it? Let Michael get a taste of power away from the mob. He could develop into a chip off the old Quartermaine block, ie. AJ, his sire.

Elizabeth said...

My mom thinks that Franco should just blow up the entire town. I can see that happening. Guza loves Franco (almost as much as he loves Jason), and it seems to be mutual. She also says that the one place that should be saved is Kelly's and that all the kids would be in there. Unfortunately, she hasn't realized that with Guza penning this stuff that the kids would be the first to go.

Mamaspat Ole said...

And everywhere I look Franco is in a new movie hopefully when they cancel all the soaps they cancel Franco as well.

LindaV said...

That was great Karen! I guess we probably have a year of even worse dreck on GH since they won't care anymore, not that they ever cared what the viewers thought. I really felt like slapping Michael yesterday. He has turned into such a stupid, immature jerk. And who really cares to see Jason rewarded with a new child since he would never give up his occupation for either.

Anonymous said...

KIDNAPPED-ABDUCT SOMEBODY-TO TAKE SOMEBODY AWAY BY FORCE`

GENERAL HOSPITAL NEED BE CANCELLED ANYWAY AND KATIE COURIC NEEDS TO TAKE OVER GENERAL HOSPITAL. THERE IS A LOT OF NOT NORMALITY ON THIS SHOW AND I WILL EXPLAIN TO YOU WHY.
JASON MORGAN GOING TO MARRIED A WOMAN WHO STOOD BACK AND WATCH HIS CHILD GET KIDNAPPED (SCENES 10-11-11) THREAT TO KILL HER (SCENES 8-29-11), SLEPT WITH SONNY, AND HIRE A PROSTITUTE FOR MICHAEL, THIS IS VERY NOT NORMAL TO DO THIS. WHAT YOU SAYING JUST LIKE SOME WOMEN WANTS TO MARRIED A SERIAL KILLER IN PRISON IN REAL LIFE. AND A MAN WANTS TO MARRIED SOMEONE OUT OF PRISONER.
SHOW TOO MUCH OF THE SAME CHARATERS EVRYDAY CARLY, SAM, JASON, SONNY, THEY USED TO MUCH AIRTIME, S/L TIME, LOOKS LIKE THEY THE ONLY ONE ON THE SHOW. SEEM LIKE TO ME SHOWING TOO MUCH FAVORITISM TO ME.
GH IS NOT GIVING MORE AIRTIME, S/L, TO THE OTHER CHARATERS LIKE JOTHAN JACKSON HIS THE MOST MALE HOT GUY ON GENERAL HOSPITAL, REBBECA HERBST, PATRICK, ROBIN, JAX, AND OTHER CHARACTER ON THE SHOW,
CARLY NOT MINDING HER OWN BUSINESS STILL OF BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER DAUGHTER ESPECIAALY THEY CLAIM SHE HAD AND OPERATION.
WHERE THE Q, HELENA, CASSADINE,
SOME CHARATERS DON’T EVEN GET A CHANCE TO BE ON THE FRONT OF THE SOAP OPERA MAGAZINE LIKE JONATHAN JACKSON AND OTHERS SHOW THE SAME OLD PEOPLE EVERYTIME THAT’S NOT FAIR. ALWAYS SHOWING JASON, SAM., AND SONNY, CARLY, IN FRONT OF THE MAGAZINE.
MOB SCENES NEED TO GO.
ONLY NORMAL COUPLE THERE IS PATIRCK AND ROBIN THEY HAVE ROMANCE, TRUST, LOVE, KINDNESS, AND PATIENCE WITH ONE ANOTHER,
THIS WHAT MARRIAGE AND FAMILY IS ALL ABOUT WHY NOT SHOW COUPLES THAT HAVE MORALS . THAN MAYBE GARIN MIGHT BRING THE VIERWERS BACK.
YOU SHOW MORE OF NOT NORMAL PEOPLE THAN NORMAL.
AND THIS IS THE SOAP OPERA SHOW YOU THINK GARIN WOLF CAN FIX. PLEASE, IT WILL TAKE YEARS TO FIX THIS SOAP OPERA. IT’S BEYOND DAMAGE THAT’S WHY IT NEED TO BE CANCELLED.

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