The Reading of Hell's Will WUB

Setting: Wyndemere.... at Dusk 

Scotty: Come on, come on..sit down..geesh...

Laura: Well, I'm trying but my toga is getting caught in the carpet!

Tracy: Why did we have to wear these damn things anyway?

Nikolas: Grandmother wanted some extra Greek tradition to be present at her last will and testament.

Alexis: Isn't she from Nebraska?

Spencer: COOL! Look! Alfred made me a Star Wars Toga!

Laura: I just bought those for your bed! 

Spencer: but I look awesome, no? (flips sunglasses)

Alexis: Let's get this over with, shall we? This place is creepy.. 

Scotty: All right, is everyone in? Anna, close those doors... 

Robert: Heah, I'll get 'em for ya..you look fetching in that drape...

Scotty: Ok, ok..order! ORDER! Have a seat...(puts on glasses)

 "I Helena Elise Montgomery Cassadine being of sound mind and body"... hey! No laughing in the peanut gallery!! "I ...blah blah blah... leave the following: 
to my faithful loving grandson, Nikolas I leave Wyndemere and all it's catacombs under the condition he hold a bi-annual ball in my honor for all time to come"...

Nikolas: Oh Great. 

Hayden: A Ball! We can have a ball! We'll get a cake... and a...I know!! Let's have a black and white ball..won't that be fun!? 

Nikolas: No comment.

Scotty: Settle down. "Nikolas also receives the house in Greece, 13 goats, my postcard collection and the 4 Rolls Royces".  To my Great-Grandson I leave..

Spencer: HERE IT COMES!!

Scotty "I leave all the Faberge Eggs and shares in Pixar"

Spencer: NO WAY! YES!!

Scotty: Settle down there, Scooter.  "I leave the previous to my Great-Grandson as long as he officially changes his name to... Mekkos Slavadovich Panos Cassadine".

Spencer: Huh? Messkoss? What is THAT?

Laura: Just Helena's control from beyond the grave, dear...

Scotty: MOVING ON... "To Anna Devane and Robert Scorpio I leave the horse stables as I never could get that smell out after the planting of Faison under the floorboards..."

Robert: Wench... 

Scotty: "To Lesil Obrect, I leave.."

Dr. O:  Ya? Ya? Zats me!! 

Scotty: My entire laytex-mask making set including 2 used Duke masks, one slightly torn Faison mask and a rather horrific Anna Devane mess I have hanging in my cupboard in the kitchen on Prague".

Dr. O:  :clapping: Oh yes!! I am zo happy! 

Scotty: "And to that wretched Natasha I leave my entire wardrobe because I know it will never fit her,

Alexis: Figures.  But! Maybe there's a Hermes bag in there...

Scotty: "In the case of my Hermes and Burberry vintage bags, they shall be donated to the Greek Goat Sanctuary on Fillos". 

Alexis: Damn, so close. 

Scotty: To that black spot of a boil, Laura Spencer, I leave the frozen frog legs left in the freezer, and Stefan's corpse, which is frozen along side of them and my other precious son, Stavros, whom I refuse to leave to anyone. Laura at the very least, deserves my sub-servant son. Let her defrost him". 

Laura: Well, at least she lifted...

Scotty: "AND! Lest we forget the curse I put on your head shall outlive my death by 300 years..."

Laura: And..nope. 

Scotty: "That goes for you too Sam McCall...to whom I also leave $450 to buy herself a pair of decent flats. You embarrass the family with your prat-falls my dear". 

Sam: :eyeroll: 

Scotty: As for the rest of it, she leaves everything else: ice picks, daggers, cloven hooves, jewelry, music boxes, snake skin wallets, giant portrait and slides of her African Safari to the newly formed Port Charles Museum of Helena Cassadine, to be housed at the renovated Brownstone on East Avenue. The curator to be Miss Tracy Angelica Quartermaine. 

Tracy: Oh, really? 

Scotty: It comes with a million dollar a year stipend...

Tracy...Oh in that case... 

Scotty: Now let us retire to the dining room for some feta sandwiches, uzo, blintzes and of course, blueberry pie. 

EGGSALANT! 

NOTE: Since we all know Helena's not really dead, all of this is moot anyway.